Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Dusting off the old identity.

Wow. So, somewhere in the last two years, I went from student teaching in a middle school in middle Tennessee, to working IT for a Biotech startup on an island on the West coast. The other day, I helped somebody book 24hrs with a particle accelerator. Now I work with the smartest people I have ever known, and they're all really friendly, down to earth people.

We bought a house. We mostly renovated the house. Made more money than we have ever had thought of. Spring has come, and we should be feeling really good.
But it's never that easy for us. Through a series of stupid and only partially random events, we're going to take a humongous pay cut next year- but only for a year.

So now, we get to go back to broke. At first I was afraid, I was terrified.

Then, music started to creep back into my focus. I'm slowly starting to recognize my career as a distraction from music- not the other way around. As soon as I faced the reality that I was going to have to hustle again, I got a little less fat and happy, and a little more musical. Maybe this will be a good year for me musically, since it's obviously going to be a total disaster financially. They prescribe people with ADHD stimulants- maybe pressure has the same paradoxical effect on me.

I really need a reminder that the "stuff" I pursue is too often at the expense of my identity and my commitments. That old saw about trading in one's passion and ideals for gold? That's the one.
So now it's late night, and even the dog is asleep. I can see the distant lights of the other side of town across the water from my studio window. I've got a glass of whiskey and a Spinners 45 in my headphones. I can no longer buy my way out of trouble- I work a temp job in the worst job market since my grandma was born.
I'm gonna have to think sharper and more aggressively than ever before- and better than about 100% of the millions of other people in my position. It's in these moments of personal crises that I reach clarity.


juanwarman said...

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Anonymous said...

In the family has two cats, a male mother. Male calling "meow meow", a year old. Female calling "mew mew", over three years old. One day's, "mew mew" discovered that the son hides secretly in the balcony smokes, made the smog winds around, "mew mew" does not like smelling the smoke taste very much, was angry. It rises with a spring, stretches out the cat fingernail, simply agily asks the price with no intention of buying the son hand's in smoke in the Newport Cigarettes Official Website. "meow meow" follows close on after that rushes pulls randomly treads randomly, smoke immediately "horrible to look at".

The son loved dearly said that 10 dollar Newports foods, then. I said that get what one deserves, the family has "the no-smoking bodyguard", looked that you also dare to pull out. Your small age learned to smoke, the health does not want! Son argument: "I also knew that smokes not well, but others non-for me, therefore" I said: "I knew that therefore you were afterward left, right has drawn up rightly? Finally has become the custom, became addicted rightly Newport Cigarettes? I also knew that from the very beginning you take the pocket money to buy the hard packing, afterward the scale came up, bought the processed foods, right? This may not be good, starting today, you must stop smoking." The son said: "everybody knew that stops smoking difficultly. Some people abstained the innumerable inferior Marlboro Lights

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