Endangered Species Alert: Synth Wank Records

I tend to think about music like an ecosystem. Certain records precipitate or "cause" others to be born. Thus, its extremely important that diversity be preserved now, so that future diversity will also exist. Not that we're in some grave danger of losing all musical diversity...but just bear with me here for the sake of argument.
Synthesizer wanker records. What makes them? You need two elements. 1. A wanker- must be either totally rich or just so dedicated he buys gear instead of retirement or a girlfriend. 2. Lots of gear and gear obsession. Thats really the whole point of synth wank records.
Black and white is a popular theme in art, pictures of the "composer" (they are never to be called a musician or keyboardist) are a near requirement. Also, song titles should be something really pompous.
Take this Jean Michel Jarre (perhaps king of this genre) Record: Equinox. You can't read it from this picture so just trust me: every song is called "Equinox Part x." Underneath that is a list of synths I'd estimate to be the only one in the world almost as expensive as Vangelis's (truly a synth wanker) setup. That makes this a synth wank record - no question!


Let's now consider this next synth wank record: Synergy- Cords. Take a look at that presentation! They saw fit to make this one a gatefold just to include a grainy gel print of some art of the artist -in sunglasses. Just to let you know that the record isn't printed in black and white for lack of money? This record was also printed on translucent vinyl. What a budget. Synergy has another key element of a synth wank record: prog rock involvement. You didn't think they came up with this level of self importance on their own did you?
Synergy was a solo project of a guy involved with Peter Gabriel and guess what else... "a multi-artist space rock opera." If that doesn't say it all, I'm wasting your time. Apparently this dude's got quite a pile of keyboards too... He was involved in the development of a lot of electronic equipment during the time. Like guitar synths. Does that make him the Yngwie Malmsteen of keyboards? I'd have to meet him and see if he's really obnoxious to make that decision. Since this is the internet though, I'll just say he is.
On the subject of prog rock wankers, I'd like to present for you another grand product of synth wankery. Anthony Phillips was the guitarist of Genesis. That's instant wanker points. He's had the most prolific solo career of any of the members, producing over 25 records by my count. This particular record is 1984 and it's a real synth wank record jem. Featuring only 4 songs:
"Prelude '84" – 4:23
"1984 Part 1" – 19:00
"1984 Part 2" – 15:26
"Anthem 1984" – 2:27

Even when James Brown does a song over 10 minutes it starts to get annoying...but at nearly 20 minutes long you've got to really have a lot faith in your audience's willingness to believe you are as great a "composer" as you say you are. And to top this record off, its a synth record by a guitarist. I'm going to have to award Anthony Phillips the title "The David Chastain of Synth Wanker Records."
To me, records like this are nearly as funny as rock opera because the people that make them want to have it all at once. They want to be seen "seriously"(take a look at Jarre's brooding expression) and academically(like naming things 'two part invention,') but they also want the rockstar identity. But that sort of drive is sorely missing from the musicians I see today, and I have to question just who the modern equivalent of these guys is. As an electronic musician, I know a lot of modern synth wankers, but only a couple of this calibre of wankerness. Maybe software has just neutralized this genre of record/composer by making us all victims to the level of overchoice and equipment saturation that these guys faced.

Now in the other end of the 1970's synth record spectrum are the guys like poor Leon Lowman. A google on him brings up nothing, a google on the record brings up nothing, and yet his equipment list and photo looks like he spent a fortune. He doesn't seem to have any prog rock involvement, and he's got something that none of the other records mentioned have: he actually uses a short enough attack on his patches that I can tell he can play a keyboard! I have to give the guy credit, his record is a lot better than the others I've mentioned. Leon, I hope you find this when you Google yourself.
I'm not a fan of synth wank records in general, it's like the more stuff these guys get, the more inflated they and their work becomes. Most of it is pretty slow- none of it features the frenetic pace so popular throughout the 90's and the turn of the century. It's also totally melody centered: the drum work is pretty lame on most of it. It's like making these records was a lifestyle for the composer- the equipment would take up such huge amounts of money and space, require so much time, etc. It's no surprise to me that you don't see many ladies mentioned in the the long 'thank you's these records featured. Except poor Leon, who appears to be mentioning his Mom.(and I've got to love the guy for having the humility to thank his parents- it's pretty un-progrock to think your mother may listen to your record.) These records sound like electronic music NPR would reccomend, or maybe play on that show where the guy is always saying "so and so fires up his modular synthesizer for a night of ethereal blah blah blah."
I have no difficulty seeing records like this playing an important role in inspiring the electronic musicians who were productive around the time I became interesting in their music (about 1993-5) and thats why I keep them around. They point to a past in which I would never have been able to afford to justify being an electronic musician and married. ("Honey, I need another ARP 2600 for this song") They also serve as a cautionary tale- removed from the context of time and scene they are exposed as pretty boring music. As the vision of one person alone they also highlight the errors in judgement that can come from musical isolation.
Tune in next time for more reviews of records you can't buy.

Honorable mention:
Frankie Goes to Hollywood-Two Tribes(Annihilation)
Too late for consideration (1984) -also sounds like across between Jarre and a Yellow Record. Also features more than one person.